So, will.i.am “reach for the stars” ( Unfortunately not a cover of the S-Club 7 smash hit, this ear fodder is much less musically and culturally significant.) is the first song to be broadcast from Mars.
Have you heard it? Go listen to it now, seriously do it, then read on.

http://youtu.be/uAQD4eg4q2E

Firstly this song is so bad it shouldn’t even be associated with such a massive accomplishment for mankind, never mind be the first song to be broadcast by humans from Mars. Its such a dissapointment it angers me.

Upon hearing it for the first time it has the kind of epic string section (which sounds like a bad midi track to me) that one would expect from such an interplanetary composition, and then he who shall now be called William starts to “sing”.

Using the kind of auto tune that he has become synonymous with the opening lines are quite optimistic and would be passable if not for the rest of this wretched “collection of beats”.
(I have decided it is no longer worthy of the praise of calling it a “song” or “music”, so I shall refer to it as a “collection of beats” from now on.)

”Why they say the sky is the limit,
When I’ve seen the footprints on the moon,
Why they say the sky is the limit,
When I’ve seen the footprints on the moon.”

Quite uplifting and inspiring im sure you will agree, but this is what comes next.

“And I know the sky might be high,
But baby it ain’t really that high,
And I know that Mars might be far,
But baby it ain’t really that far,
Let’s reach for the stars.”

Lets reach for the stars then begins to chant, sounding like a bunch of angry students at a protest.

WHO WROTE THIS SONG?  Woody from “Toy Story”?
No, he didn’t, because a fictional children’s toy would be able to write actual music and not this “collection of beats”. a fictional toy would have the hindsight to look back into history and research the first song to be played for such events.
 

• The first live global television link.  The Beatles “All You Need Is Love”
   
• First song in space. “Jingle Bells”
  
  
• First song sung on the moon. “Happy Birthday” 
  
  
• First song beamed directly into space. The Beatles “Across The Universe” 

A fictional toy would be able to read this and see two brilliant (one an original composition, for the occasion, like this ”collection of beats” is supposed to be.), and two timeless, admittedly cheesy, classics.

If we stray away from the musicality/quality of this tripe, the overall feeling I get from it is one of angst & anger. To me it sounds more like a call to arms, or the human race bragging that we are about to conquer the whole universe

“Can’t nobody hold us back,
They can’t hold us down,
They can’t keep us back,
Tiers to the ground,
Told your people that we don’t mess around,
When we’re trying out,
Please don’t turn this down,
We will turn it up,
Louder than it was before,
Like the lion at the jungle, you can hear us roar,
When I lie hear, it’s like a sonic blaster,
Flying just like nasa, out of space master”

Is this really the message we want to be sending out to “Intelligent Life”, they may not be any out there, but what if there is.
If we turned on the radio one day and picked up a Russian radio station, boasting so obviously, what would happen?
I dare not imagine, but I hope it would be like when “War of the worlds” was first broadcast and turn out to be hoax before anyone gets seriously hurt.

Basically this is an awful representation of the human race, and how far we have come as a species. Also it is an insult to music to have such a badly composed piece of “shite” even in the public domain, never mind bouncing round space for all of eternity.

This will now be in the history books until humanity is overthrown, probably by the aliens that got this threatening message.

Shame on you William!

But most of all, SHAME ON YOU NASA!


Josh McDonald
joshuadangermcdonald@live.co.uk